Now Ben was asleep. In the quiet place of his mind that slumber brought, Ben dreamed of his ultimate sleep zone, the measure-word shower curtain. “Three keys, an airplane, a burst of urine, five emails, ha ha ha.” Then that was it. Nothing, Ben’s mind was blank and still in the dark space of his imaginary coffin. Even though Ben was sleeping in broad daylight, you could say he was sleeping in the dead of night. Until “bam bam bam!” Three loud knocks at the door. The sound registered in Ben’s mind, but he didn’t stir, still sleeping like a zombie. Then again. “Bam, bam, bam!”
This time, the loud knocking startled Ben and he sat up in his imaginary coffin, hitting his head on the imaginary coffin lid.
“Ouch, what the!” The knock came again. “Who the!”
Ben got up and went to the door. He looked out the peep hole and saw a girl. It was Su Xi, what was she doing here?
He continued to peep for a moment, since peeping through your own peep hole was not voyeurism. The convexity of the peep hole glass made Su Xi’s boobs look formidable.
“Undulous,” thought Ben proud of his word. To Ben undulous described the constant rocking motion of Su Xi’s chest as she breathed.
“Nice,” thought Ben as he opened the door. “Su Xi? What are you doing here?”
Su Xi brushed right by him with her toiletry bucket and then stopped, remembering this was Ben’s apartment.
“Oh, sorry, I saw you moving in. I live upstairs. I guess I didn’t pay the water bill, so they turned off my water. I was thinking about blowing the manager so he’d turn it on, and then it occurred to me I could just shower here. You don’t mind, do you?”
Ben was speechless. He started to say something, but no words came out.
“Good,” said Su Xi, “I knew you wouldn’t mind. That’s what girls love about gay guys, you’re so sweet.”
“But I’m not gay,” said Ben. Su Xi was already in the bathroom and had the water running. “Anything you say, Ben. I saw those two guys you ‘hired.’ Like they really need a truck, honestly.”
Ben was shell-shocked. He stood paralyzed at the front door, pondering his ersatz gayness-by-association, and wondering what the author would write next. Su Xi was in his shower. Showering! Momentarily Ben forgot about measure-words until he heard Su Xi moan, “Oh Ben, this shower curtain is awesome! Five pairs of shoes, seven tables, three Chinese dictionaries, two gay guys and a truck. Ha ha ha. Hey Ben, would you be a dear and bring me another towel, I only brought one!”
Ben quickly found a towel and brought it to the bathroom door which was open a crack. “Here’s your towel!” he shouted, trying to sound as unturned on as possible.
But Su Xi didn’t just reach her hand out shyly. She swung the door open, totally naked with the towel she had brought wrapped around her head. She took Ben’s towel and started to dab herself dry as she quietly hummed, not even noticing that Ben still stood gawking.
As she bent over a little to dry her feet, she said, “Say, Ben, that shower curtain is awesome. Where’d you get it?” She continued to dry herself, still in her gay-safe zone as Ben answered:
“Amazon woman. I mean Amazon. Amazon.com.”
Su Xi looked up. She started to reply “Amazo…,” then noticed there was kind of a large package in the vicinity of Ben’s crotch.
“Uh, Ben, what’s that sweetheart?”
“What’s what?” Ben said as innocently as he could.
“That,” said Su Xi, pointing. “You seem to have an erection.”
“Well, uh, it would seem that …”
“It would seem that you’re not gay, are you? My bad, I just thought … never mind, just a minute.” Then Su Xi closed the door.
“Gimme a minute and let me put some clothes on.”
When Su Xi emerged from the bathroom, Ben was sitting on the couch. Su Xi was dressed in her usual, short shorts, and a tank top that more or less kept it all in, while at the same time let multiple eyefuls out.
“Ben,” she started, “Look, I’m sorry. I seriously thought you were gay. I mean those guys helping you move were total flames, and we had class a whole year and you never made a pass at me. I mean Perv, he’s disgusting. But you’re a nice guy. I’m sorry if I intruded on your space, but I really needed a shower. I’m sorry. I mean it’s not like other guys haven’t seen me like that before, but in reality, I’m not like super promiscuous or anything; that’s kind of an act. And I didn’t mean that crack about blowing the manager. I’m sorry, really.”
“Uh, uh, so Su Xi, can I keep the memory?”
“Sure, whatever, just don’t make me fat. A little flab is okay.”
“And uh, do you really like that shower curtain?”
“That shower curtain is awesome! Amazon, huh? I might just come back and shower here until I can get one!”
And with that Dear Reader, Ben and Su Xi sat apart from each other on the couch, talking about the coming year, reminiscing about Perv, Gay Guy (the real one), Mary, Wang Peng, Johnson, and Professor McArthur. If you were expecting Ben and Su Xi to dissolve into a mat of flesh, you’ll have to read on.
