The day that Wang Peng was hit and killed by the ice-cream truck was the first day of his sophomore year of college. Class had finished for the day, and Wang Peng had returned to his apartment. Because it was the beginning of September it was still summer, and the weather was very hot. Wang Peng thought, “How can it be so hot? Today, as soon as the ice-cream truck arrives I’ll definitely go down to get some.”
Wang Peng was lying on the sofa. He was using the remote control to search the channels, and at the same time using his cell-phone to read e-mail. There were a lot of emails from the Measure-word Vampire, a total of ten. Wang Peng thought that was strange and opened the first email to read it. The first one said: “Hi Wang Peng, this is my first email to you. Ha ha ha!”
Wang Peng continued to open the second email. It was about the same as the first, and said, “Hi Wang Peng, this is my second email to you. Ha ha ha!”
The following e-mails were all like that: the third one, the fourth one, the fifth one, etc. Pretty damn funny! Ha ha ha!
Wang Peng thought, “The Measure-word Vampire is strange, but there is nothing to dislike about him. Actually, he’s kind of a cute bastard. Ha ha ha!”
It was hot! Why hadn’t the ice-cream truck come yet? The hot weather made Wang Peng sleepy. Slowly, Wang Peng closed his eyes; then fell asleep. The cell phone fell from his hand to the floor. The TV was still on and was broadcasting a supermarket advertisement. The announcer was saying: “Big ice-cream sale, buy one, get one free. Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, buy what you like, and we’ll give you a second one free!”
Wang Peng had already started to dream. He was dreaming about the girls in his Chinese class, while also drooling about eating ice-cream. In his dream his female classmate Su Xi (pronounced like Sushi) was eating ice-cream. Very seductive.
Because it was late summer, all the girls in the class wore short pants, and tank tops. And the cleavage. In Wang Peng’s dream Su Xi enthusiastically licked her ice-cream cone, her eyes fixed on Wang Peng saying, “Wang Peng you stud, you look so hot, this ice-cream is to die for. It feels so good. Do you want a lick?”
Just at this moment, Wang Peng’s cell-phone started to wildly vibrate. Wang Peng returned to the mortal world from his sleep and picked up the phone. “Hello?”
“Wang Peng.”
“Mother!” Wang Peng felt a little ashamed. Dreaming about that and then talking to his mother made him feel disgusted.
“What are you doing?” asked his mother in Chinese. “Homework? Or playing video games! Stop playing so much! You’re going to get scolded to death by your father.” [1]
“Take it easy, Mom. I’m not a kid anymore. I’m going to do homework soon. I was asleep and waiting for the ice-cream truck. I’m going to do my homework after I have ice-cream.” Wang Peng wondered if his mother’s Chinese dialogue rendered into English would sound awkward or ungrammatical.
[1] * “Verb + “to death” is a structure explained in Chapter Five. So “scolded to death.”
“That’s more like it. Don’t make your father lose face. Tuition is expensive, don’t waste that money.”
“Mom, you worry yourself to death. I’m taking Chinese this semester. It’s easy, and I’m going to make an A.”
The conversation was over. Every time he talked with his mother it was about money, and how not to make Dad lose face. Dammit! School had just started, and already he had family pressure.
Wang Peng’s sweet dream had burst. He was a little unhappy, but he thought about how the Measure-word Vampire would face the situation, Wang Peng smiled and said: “One problem, two problems, ha ha ha. One father, one mother, two big problems. Ha ha ha.” Measure-word Vampire’s world outlook of counting everything was quite appealing.
It was five o’clock. Faintly Wang Peng heard kid’s music from the ice-cream truck:
Lao Mai Xiansheng had a farm [Old MacDonald had a farm …
Ei ai ei ai o.
Na kuai di ta yang zhi zhu, [On that farm he had some pigs…]
Yi ai yi ai o.
Wang Peng got up, went downstairs, and walked to the street. He wondered why an ice-cream truck in an American college town would play the Chinese version of Old MacDonald.
When he reached the street, at a distance he saw the ice-cream truck driving up, the music getting louder and louder. The neighborhood kids stopped playing and walked to the street to wait for the truck. The ice-cream truck was almost there. Wang Peng started to walk towards the truck, and was walking in the street, knowing that the ice-cream truck would stop just ahead. Mary was walking towards him.
Wang Peng forgot he was walking in the road, his eyes hypnotized by Mary’s alluring, swaying gait. Unfortunately, the ice-cream truck driver was also getting an eyeful of Mary’s free ice-cream, and didn’t see that he and Wang Peng were about to have a head-on collision and then “Bam!” Wang Peng was smacked by the truck.
Wang Peng didn’t die instantly. Because this novel is a fictional language lesson, it needs a dramatic effect. Therefore, Wang Peng resembled a cartoon character lying in the road. The ice-cream truck driver was having a nervous fit, while the neighborhood children stood dazed and silent. Mary walked up to Wang Peng, knelt down and looked at his expression. She saw that his eyes were open, and he was still breathing.
Mary said, “You’re not dead! How can you be so careless? You scared me to death!”
Wang Peng said, “I’m not dead? Ha ha ha. Not dead! Babe, you’re to die for. Your looks kill! Ha ha ha!”
Mary didn’t seem to understand and said, “What kind of foolish talk is that? You’re not dead. But you were almost crushed to death.”
Hearing this Wang Peng said, “Ha ha ha. So funny! You’re killing me! You said I wasn’t crushed to death, that’s wrong. I wasn’t crushed to death. I died of stupidity [In Chinese, I am stupid to death]!
Saying this, Wang Peng closed his eyes, stopped breathing, and really did die. Everybody just froze. The music of the ice-cream truck continued, and kept playing until the police arrived:
On that farm he raised a duck: Yi ai yi ai o!
